That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
