I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
