sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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