dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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