well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
