i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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