Fuck appropriateness.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
