i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
