dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
