It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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