Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
