He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she pinky promised me she was 18
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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