Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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