The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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