You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
