whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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