i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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