So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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