**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
