I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
