So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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