32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
