It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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