I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
