i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just tell him i said nine months
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
