my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
These tits shall not be calmed
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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