i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
