True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
