Will you blow on my dice?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
