Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
