i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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