you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
