i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You are the jesus of drinking
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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