I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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