I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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