We won't sleep together?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
