No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
