Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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