4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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