She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
