I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I am midnight drunk by noon
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
