If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
