Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
