so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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