How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
