How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
if only i could text you this smell
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
