Whod you bang
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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