I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
