Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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