Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
