3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
