I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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