I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
